Ok so I posted on Instagram last week sharing my frustrations with the lack of time in my life, the amount of pressure and the never ending stream of guilt I live with.
I know that on the whole Instagram is a place for over edited, happy, carefree and unrealistic images (which most of the time I keep up with) but I also believe that when a ‘down day’ comes along why can’t that be shared too (we are all human after all).
Riding the lows 😌 My personality is such that though I reach ridiculous motivational highs I also hit some serious lows. Poor little A had quite a high temperature last night which really worried me, I managed to reduce it with some trusty calpol but I ended up laying in bed having one of those ‘woe is me sessions’ afterwards with the usual culprits rearing their ugly heads ‘I’m a terrible mum for working so much’ ‘the house isn’t clean enough’ ‘I don’t post enough on my story’ ‘there are so many messages I haven’t responded to’ and honestly feeling jealous of all the accounts I follow that can put all of their time in to creativity and social media. It’s not like me to be jealous I love to celebrate my insta friends but last night I found myself staring at the ceiling feeling jealous and frustrated. Being a working mum is such a hard juggling act and keeping the cogs of daily life well oiled is key, one thing fails and bam the whole ship is sinking. I’m going to spend a bit of time this weekend really prioritising everything (getting the house really straight) and try to stop keeping up with the Joneses as actually what everyone else is doing doesn’t matter it’s what we are doing that does. Feeling much better after a good night sleep and looking forwards to a day at home tomorrow to get my ‘sh1t’ together xxx
After sharing this post (above) my inbox went crazy and there were so many women thanking me for finally sharing something that they could directly relate to and asking for advice. With little enough time in my possession I thought I would share this further by writing a blog post. Ironically i’ve done this in the midst of one of my down days.
I am finally starting to see a pattern to when these days happen now which is good and bad because I now almost preempt them. Imagine someone saying that you would get to a Thursday every week and you would have a panic attack, you would spend from Sunday to Tuesday worrying (well I would anyway).
Sunday: We organise, we do things that make us happy and we have time away from the routine of the week.
Monday: Beginning of the week, an easy day to keep productivity high feeling fresh after the weekend.
Tuesday: Tuesday is that day that isn’t really anything, normally still quite productive.
Wednesday: Starting to feel a bit tired? but upbeat because it’s #humpday and all that jazz.
Thursday: Exhaustion kicks in and though normally a pretty laid back person I could literally scream at someone for standing too close to me in a queue
Friday: Somehow though physically and mentally exhausted we always manage to get through a Friday, perhaps much like the carrot on a string incentive, Saturday is dangled with it’s promises of a later start, less demands and time to just potter.
I’m now starting to realise that Thursday is pretty much always my trigger day, Thursday is the day I start to nit pick every single thing that isn’t perfect, anxiety and self doubt start to creep in and i’m rolling that ever growing snowball of negativity in to Friday when honestly most weeks I feel like I can’t get up in the morning to face the day.
The big question that i still haven’t answered is how do you move through it:
Ok so as today has progressed (It’s Thursday) my temper has gotten shorter and my mood has got lower. I sat on the sofa while Arabella was eating her supper and beat myself up about how much cleaner the house could be, how much i need to finish painting Arabells’s bedroom door, how the bins are overflowing and need emptying.
I stop myself in my tracks and take five really deep breaths, slow and calm and always breathing out for longer than in. Then I focused on what small things I could do to make me feel more in control of my life. For me cleanliness and tidiness are huge things. So i got off my bum, emptied the hoover and blitzed the house (nothing too crazy) but just a hoover, clean worktops and straighten sofas and beds.
The next thing is to plan something that I can do that I really enjoy. Don’t judge me on this one but I LOVE watching Suits (the TV show on Netflix) so I schedule that in to my evening and make sure it happens, even if it’s just 30 minutes.
Do I feel clean and together? if I don’t i’ll take a shower and refresh my body (somehow a shower or bath makes you feel like a whole new person, perhaps like a mini christening).
Think ahead to tomorrow, more often than not I feel quite overwhelmed about what is happening the next day so by facing that and looking t what can be done in advance to make the day easier, whether it’s making packed lunches, laying out an outfit ready or packing everything you will need ready and leaving it by the door. This on really helps me feel like i can cope with whats to come.
The last thing that is really important to do is actually sit down and appreciate how much i have actually achieved this week. This doesn’t have to be huge things and will obviously be different for everyone.
If this helps just one person I’ve done my job so hopefully it does. To recap:
I hope this helps in some small way, I would love to know you you all get through your low days too!
Love as Always